Holidays are full of mixed emotions for most people. Family and friends visit, cooking, gift giving, parties, fun and laughter are the activities first thought about at Christmastime. Underneath the holly and fudge lie the heartache, the push for deadlines, standing in lines, rude people, and most of all, not being emotionally fed as the holiday hype advertises.
I thought about writing about all that is going on with me and how I am living without my daughter in my life. Don't get me wrong, she is still living, thank God, but she's a shadow, only able to be seen when she decides to shine a light on herself for me.
So I wonder, how do you survive as a mother when your daughter doesn't want to share any part of her life with you? I have learned how to breathe through the moments that used to bring me to my knees, and how to let the tears drop down my cheeks and then think about how I am going to rearrange my living room furniture to stop the water works. It's a process.
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